first of all love is not a vegitable or an ornament to be purchased at a price bargained with the vendor and kept in refrigerator for consumption,many people have a notion like this when they say search for me a girl or vice versa or i will search for you a suitable match whom you can fall in love with.....wait a minute... its not a job which you can search and match with the mentality of the other! how on the earth can you and I do that???
Its only when we are having a match of the key aspects which may, obviously, differ in each of us according to the tastes and preferences that the love is born and nurtured....it may take hours,days,months,years or even decades...but love happens by heart not by match fixing!
let me present you some instances where I have come across some love marriages....
- she liked him while on job... knew all about him the good bad and the ugly part.... and yet decided to go ahead with the marriage...love only happened before marriage. now after marriage,there is not only a communication gap but a gap in the understanding and compromises that one has to undergo after marriage. where is the fault?
- she like him since a very young age,stayed at his place as he happened to be her relative, and never did mind doing all the household work and listenin to some chin music from his mother....she had only one belief- her love. they married. things didnot go better.... they got worse. he started dating...to be precise-extra marital affairs and did never bother to pay attention to her needs and desires. today,after two years of marriage and his ever increasing desire for love beyond his married life has made her attempt three suicides.... at a point of time it went up to divorce but we friends some how held things back to normal.now,unable to bear her mother in laws attrocities she has come out to stay independent with her husband thus liberalising him more.she however,hopes against hope that he will realise his guilt and walk back some day....(which is a distant dream)... however,she has won in a way by getting a job and become more independent financialy. what about the psychological independence with her husband who finds better bonding with alliens ??
in both the cases above love is and was blind but what has happened before marriage and after that shows clearly that literaly life had become nothing but a dungeon for both these women. now one of them is searching for a parter who matches her mentality and thats it.......
how is justice done here?
its a contradiction to what i spoke in some of the sentences above but what was spoken was philosophy and what has happened is practical. now who is to be blamed? the lady who has loved her husband despite his extra marital affairs or the lady who has lost love in her ever busy workaholic husband and is searching for a partner in every man she meets?
this ain't be a movie friends...... but the practicality of life that love is good but after marriage it becomes worst...... the promises made and the love showered all transform into a drought and the partners are either left searching for newer avenues where love dwells or fall prey to the hopes that kabhi to number aayega!
i too would love to love someone but am afraid ... that i may not be able to do justice ..but, i would better go for arranged marriage (i dont have much of a clear thought and devotion for such a sacred relationship as love and marriage thereafter) ..... and then love my partner..... for a stronger and healthier relationship .......jo rahe zindagi ke saath bhi aur zindagi ke baad bhi..... dhik tang,dhik tang dhik tang!!!!!
PS: I HOWEVER RESPECT ALL THOSE JODIS WHO HAVE SUCCESSFULLY OVERCOME THE INTIAL HICCUPS AND ARE LIVING A HAPPY LOVE MARRIED LIFE..... i know some brighter love marriages too....and would expect all the lovers to be true to their expressions and do justice to the knot tied.....
need to know the readers views which i believe will be as varied as the variety of flowers and the trees and the species on earth..... all are welcome....
Hey sai.. thoughts put across well. It is unfair to say which marriage is better, like you had mentioned.. Based on the little experience i have.. in any marriage; be it love or arranged - mutual understanding and adjusting is the key.. and ofcourse both partners need to have a high tolerance level.
ReplyDeletethank you didi..... that ws what i had known....may be i can improve on it and sorry to those who might have been hurt in the process...
ReplyDeleteWell its very well said that both the partners require high tolerance level and that comes only with proper understanding and mutual respect which seems to be missing in both the cases.We call ours as a civilized and modern society still its the woman who's asked to undergo lot of compromises at the cost of her happiness, desires, whims and fancies.It is so unfortunate that the most beautiful experience of life becomes painful and detestable.Such is the irony of life. Probably we girls are overtly emotional, probably most of the boys are overtly judgmental and practical and that is why in most of the love marriages, its the girl who pledges to sacrifice to be accepted by the one she's madly in love with.In later part of life she either silently suffers or becomes unfaithful fantasizing things she's no supposed to.She becomes an out caste in the society and even for her very own family and friends.People fail to accept her,understand her and blah blah and her deeds are considered blasphemous.Is it not unfair? Is it too much to ask for that in love both the partners should surrender themselves and get submerged in the ocean of love completely without getting into details who's gonna die and who's gonna survive.After all love is the only aspect which demands decisions from heart and not from mind.Isn't it?
ReplyDeletesaid well dev.... but there is always an element known as sacrifice as u said....the only problem being that it is a bit more in our culture.i agree that women sacrifice a lot and are an epitome of sacrifice but it is not always if u have a loving and understanding husband...the sacrifice that u wud be doing then will be sweeter because it involves love but in some case it is not. it is ego which rules it and that is the very big reason why in some cases,it is felt that it is being overwieghed towards them.
ReplyDeletehowever modern inlaws be,dont forget that there will be an element of cultural formalities which have to be fulfilled by the one who is a new entrant.
dont we follow the rules in schools and colleges? well marriage too is an institution and at times, to have a better underdstanding and to fulfill certain desires you have to let ur ego exit so that u can make some decisions with ur intelligence and good sense...
what u are thinking today will be good for a short period of time but ths being a life long relationsip,it will be having a vrey deep impact either way...
sorry if i have said too much in the process ....but where there shud be a compromise there shud be understadning too....
Hello Sai
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I disagree with your statement which says:
Its only when we are having a match of the key aspects which may, obviously, differ in each of us according to the tastes and preferences that the love is born and nurtured
Do you mean to say two people cannot love each other if there is no match in their key aspects (likes or dislikes)? If that is what you mean to say then I am afraid you are wrong. First and foremost love is unconditional. It cannot be said that if so and so happens then love is born.It can be anything like the love between a boy and a girl, a husband and wife, mother and son, father and daughter, brother and sister.
Does your mom love you as a son because there is a match of mentality or thought process? Does your sisters love you as a brother because of the same reason? They love you for what you are and they have accepted you irrespective of your good and bad side of personality.
Infact contrary to what you have said, I have a real life example of one of my dearest friends who fell in love with a girl, married her. There is little common in both of them. She is a hindu brahmin and he is a Muslim. She a vegetarian, he a non-vegetarian, She is an introvert, He is an extrovert, She is more intelligent than him, He always dresses smart and trendy, she is very simple and so on... and yet they love each other like anything.
And secondly I completely agree with your statement:
first of all love is not a vegitable or an ornament to be purchased at a price bargained with the vendor and kept in refrigerator for consumption
you are absolutely right. It cannot be produced it just happens. When, how and towards whom is beyond our thoughts and imagination.
This is based upon my observation, experience and it is my personal opinion only. Suggestions and comments are welcome.
Have a nice day.
hello bhaskar bhaya
ReplyDeletethanks for your view. I agree to what you have said and even agree that what ever i have said is one side of the story. the other side is what you have presented.
Love here is only refered to in the context of relationship as between lovers and marital relations.
What ever i have said here is only is on the basis of what i have come across,nothing expressed is personal veiw. These are the views of the people whom i know and have heard from them.